How to manage your children's tantrums?

The first five years of a child's life are critical because they are developing their emerging personality. For this reason, the way in which efforts the problems as they present themselves to a large extent determine if in the future you'll have a rebel child or, on the contrary, in a small secure of himself that learns to respect the rules.

Without a doubt, one of the main problems that, sooner or later have to confront the parents, are the tantrums. These usually appear within two years, although often reach their climax in the three or four years . How do you handle them so assertive?

How to manage your children's tantrums
3 year old tantrums

Understanding tantrums

A tantrum is nothing but an immature way of expressing the anger or the anger. Two years after the child already understands that it is a person independent of their parents and want to enjoy a certain degree of autonomy to test the skills that is acquiring and developing, when it fails to do so because we will put you a barrier or limit, it is normal to get angry. However, as has not yet learned to manage their emotions, expresses his anger as if it were a volcano in full eruption .

In fact, His brain still does not work as an adult. The frontal cortex, which is responsible for regulating the expression of emotions, it is still very immature and will not achieve an acceptable development until the age of seven. Therefore, it is important that you understand their temper tantrums are part of the development process, are normal . However, all does not end there: while the child is small, it is already capable to establish some links and draw their own conclusions.

Therefore, if you have seen that after their first tantrums he has managed to get what he wanted, he will understand that this is an effective method to achieve their goals and are likely to continue repeating it.

How to manage?

1. Offer to him help when its tantrum should to the frustration. The small children know much more than they manage to communicate or do. Often the gap between their potential and their real-world skills is frustrating them, in those moments a tantrum may ensue. If you detect that your tantrum is that he feels frustrated because you can't do something, help you complete the task. Talk gently and encourage them to strive, indicating the steps to be followed or taking his hands and guiding them.

2. Obvious, its behavior when the tantrum is an attempt to manipulate. The principle of extinction asserts that a conduct disappears if we did not pay attention. Therefore, when notes that the child is having a tantrum manipulate simply because he wants to get something to change,  ignore. Say to him: "I notice that you are angered, I will make you alone until you calm down”. Obviously, make sure that does not hurt himself. If you believe that it is possible to hurt, the most suitable thing is to embrace it very loudly until the tantrum passes to him but you do not yield before its demand. When the child understands the tantrums are not the route to obtain what he wishes, these will disappear.

3. Negotiates. It is not that parents become a general issuing orders that must be obeyed without hesitation. It is important that the child understands from small that your opinion is important but only if she expresses assertive manner. Therefore, say that you can get what they want only if… (you set the condition). For example, you can tell that ask kindly what you want, or that first you have to finish what you are doing.